For those of you...

...who come for the pictures and/or LO, I am sorry.  I have none for you.  In fact, I really hadn't planned on posting but I thought I was due for a more honest and raw post.  It's good for me to get my thoughts out, even if I have no idea who reads this. Sometimes it is almost easier not knowing who reads...I mean I check my stats and I know people come, but I have no idea who you are.  And maybe it's just easier to let things out to the unknowns. Anyway...

I've been so emotional lately. I'm really happy and excited at times and other times I am just so down and discouraged.  I can't really go into details since I do know SOME of the people who read this and it just gets messy if I spill too much.  But I guess I'm just sad.  I'm sad to be leaving Asia.  I am sad that the childhood I dreamed for my kids is here in Asia.  I know that to those of you who live in North America that may seem weird.  But to any expat, you know the feeling of being torn between "home" and the place that has been home away from home.  That is Asia for me.  I love it. I hate it at times and I miss the conveniences and luxuries of America, but I truly love Asia.  I love the people, I love the life.  And I love how happy it makes my husband.  Having never even visited, I dragged him to India to live for a year.  We stayed three.  We made it a year in the States before we moved back to Asia.  And now as we prepare to move again, I am just really sad.  I want my kids growing up knowing that the world is bigger than America.  I want them to know that the majority of the world doesn't have the luxuries of the west.  I want them to feel the weight of the fact that while we have churches on every corner and Bibles everywhere, there are millions of people who have never even heard of Christ. I want them to know that Christmas is not about gifts and food but that there truly is a Reason to CELEBRATE!  I know I can teach them this in the States, but it is hard to really convince them when everywhere they turn the culture is telling them something else.  And, I'll admit, I love the adventure of Asia.  Any kid can go to Disney World (and I hope we get to take ours sometime).  But how many one and two year olds have ridden on an elephant in Thailand? How many have thrown a party because they were the first white baby born in a hospital?  How many go to school with kids from 20 different countries?  And so I'm sad.

And yet, I am EXCITED!  It is such a cool story of how we ended up heading back to the States, to Nebraska of all places.  God was so good to us during this whole process and we are sooooo excited to see the entire plan unfold.  We are confident that we are going where we should, so the sadness does get balanced some with the excitement. I guess I'm just torn.  I know that going back to the States now doesn't mean forever, but I know it is for a time. But no matter where I am, I know that Asia will always be a part of me.  Ever since my first trip nine years ago, Asia has been imprinted upon my heart. It will be a grieving process, I am sure.  But I go on in faith.

Okay, thanks for letting me get that out.  On a lighter note, we have gotten some packing done.  Not quite what I had planned, but we are making progress.  I packed all my coffee cups (which I collect so that is definitely a chore!)  Also, we packed up most of Caleb's toys which was a HUGE project.  That boy LOVES his toys and there are just so many of them!  Tomorrow we probably won't get much done since it is our family day and so we are going to the youth park with Alaina's class and then I hope to spend some good quality time together. Maybe we'll go to the pool.  I realized that I haven't been since Levi was born. And he is SIX WEEKS already!

And Caleb is hitting a "word explosion."  Alaina was such a gradual learner of things. Very steady.  But Caleb, nope, he is a stair-stepper.  One day he can't do it and the next day he can.  So he is now learning new words EVERY day.  And usually a few.  Yesterday he said "fishy" and "Jason."  Well, to be honest, it was more like, "Jaaaaaassssoooonnnn..." since that is what he hears from me =)  Today he said "Elly" (the ugly green elephant that he adores.)  He also tries to say Levi which comes out "Ag-ni" but he only says it when he is with Levi so I am sure it sound right in his head.  He also is imitated every sound we make -- coughing, sneezing ,clearing our throat. What a silly little guy!

And Alaina, bless her heart, is still really into this Mother's Day thing. She came up to me today and wrapped her arms around me and said, "I love my Mommy.  Happy Mother's Day."  What a sweet, sweet girl!

Okay, I think that is quite enough for tonight.  I feel so guilty just giving you words and no pictures.  Let's see if I can dig something up for you...

Alaina and Caleb being silly...Caleb just loves to sit in Levi's bouncy seat!

And this sign just cracks me up every time I see it.  Gotta love Asia.  Open early, eh?

Comments

[Kellie]

I understand! Sometimes I feel this great need to go "home", but when I drive along the coast or hear Jack speaking Bahasa or have a family of six invite me to share their one fish for dinner, my heart loves that THIS is home. We're getting ready to leave for six months, and I'm already mourning the time lost with our friends. So I am sad with you as you leave, but I know that you have great adventures ahead of you. And signs like that crack me up! (Like when Pizza Hut came out with the "Choose any two toppings" for a half-n-half pizza, but one "half" had to be Pineapple Tuna!)

[Erika]

My heart is with you as you transition! It sure is hard, especially when your dream & desire is to be overseas. Been there, doing that! Sometimes I wish I knew the rest of the story- when do we get to be overseas again and where. But I guess that's the faith part of the journey. I'll continue to be praying for a good transition for you, for strength and energy (physical and mental) for all the good-byes.

[Margie]

I so understand what you are saying Janet!! We are "home" now in CA and my heart is aching for our other home in Hungary. It's all about the people and where God has placed us! It's awesome that you and your family have been able to be a blessing and be blessed in Asia. How exciting it will be on your next adventure! I still have some catching up to do on your blog -haven't been at the computer much at all lately :) I will keep you in prayer :)