I feel like I have written a post like this before. Probably have. But it is worth repeating since it is a concept I am still struggling with.
Years ago when I worked at a camp (where Jason and I met), one of the full-time staff members was talking to the summer staff. He talked about a pail of liquid. That pail can be as pretty as can be on the outside. It can look to the world like it contains nothing but the freshest and purest of waters. People can be convinced of the quality of the liquid it contains. This is even more true if the pail boasts of its own worth -- "I am the purest of all pures, I am true refreshment, nothing impure will ever be found." It can be quite a believable story.
But what happens when that pail gets bumped? The liquid spills out and then, for the world to see, are the true contents of the pail.
"So," he asked us, "what comes out when you get bumped? What happens when hard times bump you? Does thankfulness, forgiveness, graciousness, and love flow out? Or does bitterness, envy, frustration, anger, and other impure stuff come spilling out?
Ouch.
It is easy for me to look pure from the outside. I can even start to convince myself of my own purity. But when I am bumped -- when the hard stuff of life gets in the way -- that is when the true test of what is truly inside of me happens. And I don't always like what I see.
Now I will say that I have grown a LOT. I will say that I really don't even try to pretend that everything in my "pail" is the purest of pure. I am a realist and I am willing to admit fault, shortcomings, and failures. But still, when I actually have to SEE them versus just knowing they are there, I don't like it.
So yesterday I got bumped -- in two ways. And I was unhappy with what I saw come out of me.
The first "bump" really wasn't a big deal. It really has nothing to do with me. And yet it bothers me so much. I have a person in my life who struggles with lying. The thing is, the lying is usually over the most ridiculous of things. Things that NO ONE would care about even if the person told the truth. The kind of lying like a person saying, "Oh, I had spaghetti for lunch" when they really had a sandwich. Who cares what you had, just tell the truth.
I do not know why I let this person get to me so much. I don't know why I let it frustrate me to the point where I am ANGRY...where I feel the need to tell Jason all about it and show him the "proof" of the current lie. Why can't I just let it go and trust that God will deal with it. Why do I let it fester inside, affecting the rest of my day? Why can't I pray that God will work in this person's heart and show them what they are doing. This person may not even know how much they do it! I got bumped, and I didn't like what I saw come out.
The second thing was a little bit bigger of a deal. Something of mine got ruined and it going to cost a lot of money to replace. It really wasn't anyone's fault but I was sure to point out to Jason that if he hadn't been using it in the first place, it wouldn't have happened. I got bitter, snappy, frustrated, and wanted to point out all the ways that Jason was at fault.
Um, hello! It is just STUFF! Who cares? It doesn't hold any eternal value. In the great scheme of things it doesn't even hold that much monetary value. And yet I let it get to me and as much as I tried, I couldn't shake the anger for the rest of the night.
Yucky stuff coming out of the pail.
So how do I get purity to flow from the frustrations in life? How do I approach other people with GRACE? How do I let temporal things fall WAY down my list of priorities? I wish I had the answers. It's a process, and I can see the progress I have made over the years (as in I can actually see the impurities coming out instead of standing there, gross sewage coming out of my pail still trying to convince myself and those around me that it is the freshest of water.) But still, I have so far to go.
Create in me clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit within me.
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Okay, thanks for letting me share. On to things of a much lighter note...
** Thanks to those of you who have sent me their CT "applications." I am excited to see who wants to be a part of the team and even more excited to get to know some of you better. It will be a tough decision, I am sure, but it still exciting to see who wants to work my stuff!
** On to this weeks DIGI DARE. Our challenge this week was to scrap our favorite photo of 2007, even if we have already scrapped it. WOW! What a challenge! I took over TEN THOUSAND photos last year (don't you just love digital! LOL!) There are so many that I love...so many that speak to me...so many that capture my kids just as they are. But in the end, it wasn't too tough of a decision. There is one photo that just captures my heart. I've scrapped it once, as part of my SOY entry, but that was a hybrid page so I never shared it here. I scrapped it again (in a different way) for the dare.
I used Michelle Coleman's new AMOUR kit.
** And now, I bid farewell for the weekend. We are off until four o'clock this afternoon and we have some errands to run and some other stuff to do as a family. Hopefully the weekend will be smooth (those 12-14 hours working days can get long!) I hope all of you have a fabulous weekend!