Parenting is a high calling. A very high calling. God has been doing a lot of work in my heart and the one thing that I am feeling very deeply is that I have taken the responsibility too lightly. I have not seen the opportunity I have been given to raise these four children for what it really is. I have settled for being "good enough." I have allowed the bar for the kids to be set at "being obedient." I have searched for ways to duck out of some of what we think of us mundane parts of parenting. And it is wrong. So very wrong.
The calling to be a parent is a high calling indeed. We have been given the responsibility and the charge to take these little people and lead -- by example -- what it means to live a life surrendered to Christ and service to him. Jason and I are the first and primary people they see living out the Christian life. As I have looked at my life I have been terrified that my children would become like me. I want so much for them! I want to say, "Don't follow me, follow God!" But then God gently reminded me that the role of parents is to be "God with skin on" for little kids. They will follow our actions, not our words.
I will be sharing a few more things over the next few days of things God is showing me, teaching me. My heart is bursting with love for my kids, awe that God would find me worthy, and hope that HE can give me all I need to be the mom I am called to be.
The picture above? Levi sitting sweet and sad as we fought the battle of the wills. He decided that he did not want to ask to be excused from the table. He said, "I can't!" But he can and does every meal with no issues. But on this day, he wanted to test the waters, to see who was in charge, and if we really mean what we say. We do. Our word is our word -- whether it be "You must do ______" or "I love you."
He didn't throw fits (he knows the rule) but sat there quietly (and sometimes with a few tears). He even took a nap. There were lots of, "Levi, I love you but you have to do as you are told." And five hours later he finally decided to give in and do what he knows how to do: ask to be excused from the table. It was a LONG five hours. My heart broke the whole time, especially as he watched his brother and sister play in the back yard with tears rolling down his cheeks. But I knew this was a battle worth fighting. It was so much more than asking to be excused. He wanted to know in a battle of wills, who will win? We won. And when he got up from the table he gave me a big hug and went to play happily. An important life lesson was learned at age two.
Oh, it must have been heartbreaking. It's hard being the "bad guy" even when we're really doing the right thing. Now, tell me your secret about keeping them from throwing fits. Help! lol...
Posted by: photojenic | February 25, 2009 at 05:26 AM
5 hours! That is a serious battle of the wills. Good job for holding on to yours. I had an issue like that where one of mine sat on the floor with his magnetic letters all around him for an hour and a half. He was not allowed to eat lunch until he had picked all the letters and he just sat there. It is hard to stand your ground, but the kids really feel more secure for having those boundaries.
Such a beautiful picture.
Posted by: Laura | February 25, 2009 at 07:06 AM
Awww, big hugs! Yes, it is so hard, sometimes, to stick to what we say, especially when we see how they react and when it brings them sadness, but you are doing the right thing by being consistent and following through...definitely one of the most difficult parts of parenting. I agree, though, boundaries and structure are security for our children and one of the best things we can do is provide that for them.
Posted by: simplescrapskathy | February 25, 2009 at 07:39 AM
Janet, thank you so much for sharing this stuff. You challenge me to be a better mother; I wish I still lived in Bandung so that I could sit at your feet and learn from you. No, I really wish YOU lived in KK, lol, but still...
Posted by: Kellie | February 25, 2009 at 02:13 PM
Oh my..what a sweet, precious boy! I know exactly where you are! My first born is my strong willed rascal..when she was 3, I didn't put the ice cream in the bowl she wanted. I explained to her that if she wanted the ice cream, she could eat it out of that bowl..if not, then she could watch it melt. She watched it melt...then asked to get down and ran off to play. Not to worry, I still won, because she never pitched a fit over a bowl again and in 8 years, has yet to let ice cream melt! ;) Thanks for the inspiring post..I must get off the computer and go apologize to my 4 year old...
Posted by: Tracey | February 25, 2009 at 03:11 PM
I know how hard this was for both of you. I read once that the behavior you see in your two-year-old is the same behavior you'll see in your teen, and for the same reason. They both know that it's time to grow up a little, and they need to know that you'll always be there to keep them from going too far. Get control of the two-year-old and the days that come will be much easier. Looks like you passed this test with flying colors.
Posted by: Donna (kygirl) | February 25, 2009 at 03:16 PM
Wow! What a battle of wills! I can remember having these with my parents, and they always won. :) It's so tough, but definitely worth fighting the battle. Thanks for the reminder about how important it is to take this parenting thing as seriously as possible.
Posted by: Melissa | February 26, 2009 at 02:48 AM