I love to talk about parenting (but am often scared to)

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am passionate about parenting.  I am pretty sure that I could talk about it all day, every day.  I love to talk about the hows, the whys, the do’s, the don’ts and everything in between.  If there is one subject that can get me excited as the cliche kid in a candy store, it is parenting. 

However, I don’t often talk about it.  Well, I do, but if you realized the TINY fraction of time I talk about versus the time I think about it/want to talk about it, I really can say I rarely do it.  It is a like a fire burning inside of me and yet I have so few people and so few places where sharing is possible/appropriate.  I want to share, but I don't. I suppose the reason is because, well, I am scared.

At first I was scared because I didn’t have kids.  Sure, I worked in professional childcare (with high potential/underachieving teens and then later with international students).  Sure, I had a degree in psychology and was one class short of a certificate in youth ministry. Sure, I had a lot of ideas about parenting and child-rearing and have read countless books (some of which I agreed with and some that I did not). Without the experience, though, I was afraid that no one would want to listen to anything I had to say.

Then I had a baby.  And I was still scared to talk about parenting.  The few times I did open my mouth I was met with stares that said, “Ahem, yea, you have one little kid and your parenting ideals won’t stand the test of time or the test of the two-year-old will.” I was smack dab in the middle of using my parenting philosophy on my own child, and even though I was feeling successful and proud, I knew that most people thought it was just a matter of time before I changed my tune. I often heard the comments, “You sure are lucky to have a daughter that is so good.  Just wait until the next one!” or “You’re in for a hellion next time!” or my personal favorite, “No one gets that lucky twice.”

And then I had another baby.  And another.  And another.  And while each child has had a different personality, we have worked hard to apply our parenting philosophies and intentions to each of the kids in a way that would best meet the needs of that individual.  And you know what?  It seems to be working.  Our kids are far from perfect, but we are pleased.  Jason and I are working as a team to intentionally raise these young ones in a way that will prepare them to enter the world as responsible, kind, informed, and loving young adults. Jason and I have spent many, many hours about our parenting philosophy and ideals and 95% of the time we are on the exact same page (the remaining 5% most often relates to me being overly uptight about noise and messes and him being the cool dad who doesn’t mind cleaning up the tornado that follows the kids around).  A lot of talk and a lot of action...and we are seeing the results.

So here we are, seven years and four kids into this journey and I still want to talk about parenting. I want to talk about the passion of my heart.  I want to share the things that are working with us, the things that we want to improve upon, and the ways we seek to fully embrace this amazing and totally chaotic time in our lives.  I want so much to help other young mothers in this journey.  I want to remind them that this time in our lives is hard. It may be is tiring and filled with snot, spilled milk, and tears (the kids’ and ours!) and yet, it is eternally significant.  What I do (or don’t do) really does matter.  It does make a difference.  It it something worth talking about, striving for, praying through, and improving upon.

I’ll let you in on a secret, though.  I am still scared.  I am still scared of offending people.  I am still afraid that people will see me as arrogant, misinformed, “lucky,” stupid, mean to my kids, and selfish. I am afraid that people will think we believe that our way is the only way to do things.  I am afraid that my heart for helping other moms will, in effect, hurt others.  I am also afraid that people will think that we have the perfect kids or that I am a perfect mom.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I am just a mom with four little kids who wants to be better every day and who wants other moms to strive for the same.

And so, with much hesitation,I think I will start sharing more....a little more in depth and more often than I have in the past.  If nothing else, it will be good for my kids to be able to read someday.  They will one day be able to see that the choices we made and the struggles we encountered were real, and that we sought God’s wisdom and strength as we worked through them.  I hope though, that it can be more than that.  I hope that something I say can be of some use and/or encouragement to other mothers out there. I want women to know that they are not alone. I also want them to know that it truly is possible to enjoy this time of life, even amongst the endless piles of laundry, food that has to be scraped off the floor, and the unwritten toddler/preschooler rule that states that mom is not allowed to sit down for more than 2.5 seconds before another demand request is made.


I am setting my fears aside and choosing to write about parenting, but please know this:

1.  I don’t believe that our way is the only way. I have friends who I respect and women I admire who choose to approach parenting from a very different perspective.  I am not saying that every way is right, but I am also not saying only one way is right.

2. I believe that there are biblical parenting issues and personal preference parenting issues.  There is a difference.

3.  I firmly believe the the words of Proverbs 22:15: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child...” That is to say that I do not believe that kids are capable of being perfectly behaved and/or making wise choices at all times. However, I DO believe that kids can must learn to be obedient, kind, thoughtful, respectful, and self-controlled and it is the parents duty to model and teach these behaviors.

4. I don’t believe that parenting is always instinctual or that it comes naturally for every person.  Just like playing a musical instrument or having any sense of direction is not natural for me, parenting may not be natural for you.  With enough time, effort, and determination anyone can play a musical instrument and anyone can be a great parent.  Some people just have to work harder than others. This may be due to many reasons, including a poor example from one's own parents.

5. I don’t think mothers go into this role with a realistic enough picture of what it is going to be like. Part of this is due to starry-eyed naivete and some of it is due to the utter failure of older women to live out Titus 2:3-5.

6. I approach parenting from a conservative Christian perspective.  Those who are not believers would have no reason to agree with me in many areas of parenting. I understand and respect that.

7. I make mistakes.  ALL. THE. TIME.

Comments

[Kellie]

yay! i love it when you talk parenting!

[Tamara]

Awesome! I would love the hear more about your philosophy and strategies that work for you. As someone with little kids too and starting to *think* about brining #4 into existence, I would love to hear more about what you do because I have been so frustrated lately with what I'm doing (or probably not doing). Thanks so much for sharing!

[Kara]

I'd love to hear more on your thoughts about parenting, too!

[tami]

As someone who parents differently than my family and many of my friends, I understand your hesitation, and I will be praying for God's wisdom and guidance for you.

[Sarah Davis]

good for you for getting this out! i wouldn't be afraid of discussing parenting. people who pass judgments are ignorant. i welcome a good discussion. i find you inspirational and whatever you do share i would take it with a grain of salt and try to apply certain things to our own ideas on parenting... you shouldn't feel scared imo.

[Anne]

Oh please DO share your insights on parenting!!! I struggle as a parent on a daily basis and I only have 1 little girl. I was a school psychologist and thought I knew all I needed to know about parenting. Nope. I knew a lot about children in a school setting... but was clueless about being a mommy. Being a mommy is the hardest and most wonderful job ever. Loving my daughter is easy, but I do often struggle with parenting. It hasn't come "naturally" to me... and that is hard to talk about with others. Looking forward to hearing more!

[Marci Parmeley]

I read this blog every time you post and frequently find myself amazed at your approach to parenting. Where was this blog 30 years ago when I was pregnant with DD? Sadly, I raised my daughter in somewhat the same way I was raised and I don't think that was the best way. She is grown now but I have the opportunity to influence 3 grandchildren and I am interested in learning whatever I can that may help me influence them in a Godly way. Please, post away. I do want to say that with God's help, DD turned out to be a wonderful person and my greatest source of pride. But that was way more Him and way less me.

[Rachel Huggins]

from one perfectly "imperfect" mother to another, thank you for the blessings you give to those who read. may God continue to bless your efforts.
smiles

[Ashley]

I am so happy to read this! I love to read your thoughts on parenting and I look forward to more as God speaks through you to women who need it. All the best to you!

[Amy]

yay, I can't wait to chat about parenting with you ;)

Amy in Peru
http://apilgrimsproject.blogspot.com

[Shelby]

As a conservative, Christian parent, I am really looking forward to hear your outlook on discipline. I am always praying for wisdom in what we do with our children. There are days that I wonder if it is working. I know I need to be consistent but I often wonder if what we are 'consistently' doing is the right way. I can't wait to hear your thoughts.

[Claire Smoker]

You know I love to hear it! Keep it coming! And here is a topic, feeding toddlers! I struggle with worrying that I don't give Jules all the nutrician she needs while still finding interesting and EASY things to feed her. Any tips? Its not an easy thing when you're a working mom!