Mini Mid-Life Crisis

I broke down last week.  Not in tears and sobs, but more in a "what in the world am I doing in life?" sort of emotional stare.  So many questions and dreams and longings and leadings and proddings and musings over the last few months have resulted in a mind that won't quit going and a heart that keeps aching. Last week, it just all came together and I felt worn down and without a plan.  I know that the desires of my heart are just to obey, but sometimes I just stand there with a dumb look on my face asking what in the world I am supposed to be obeying.  I have felt like I am traveling without a map -- yet with such a burning passion to end up at the right place.  I have no interest in seeing what others do and measuring my progress against that standard.  I just want to do what I am supposed to be doing, where I am supposed to be doing it, and the methods I am supposed to be doing it with.  And if I am completely honest, I think my past rears its ugly head and I also just want my Daddy (big D) to be proud of me.  I never managed with that with my earthly daddy and so I know I am a little too preoccupied with "getting it right."

Thankfully, God in His wisdom let me get to this point and then gently laid His hand on my heart and calmed me down. Almost immediately I was able to go back to the things that I know are true and the ways that I know He has led me and found a renewed sense of peace and purpose.  I may not know what the days and years ahead will look like, but I was reminded of my place in those days and years and I am passionate to live up to my fullest potential. I have a LONG. WAY. TO. GO. but at least I feel like I am back on the path, being sure that while I can't see far up ahead, I can see what is right in front of me.  And so I will just take one step and wait for the light to go ahead.  

I think my mini-midlife crisis is now over. At least for this week.

Comments

[Tiffany]

((Hugs!!))
Please don't feel alone . . . I know you are allowing God's Almighty to embrace you in His love, but know that you aren't the only momma He has to do that too. :)
Praying for ya sista!!

[amy in peru]

wow. sounds familiar :)

amy in peru