Just because I love being a mom...and I love being a mom to many...doesn't mean that I don't have hard days. It doesn't mean that I magically got lucky and got perfect kids. It doesn't mean that my kids immediately obey everything I say or that I never have to play referee. It doesn't mean that every day is just smiles and sparkles and it doesn't mean that there aren't times that I secretly wish all of my kids could be caged as happily as Katie cages herself (in Lucy's cage!)
It's true, I love what I do and I wouldn't change it for anything. But I do have hard days. An introverted mama like me desperately needs alone time and time for quiet -- two things not readily available in a homeschooling house with lots of little people running around. I have days where I literally have to stop, close my eyes, and breathe deeply a few times an hour just to get through the moments without raising my voice. And I don't always succeed.
There are days when I really wish I didn't care so much how I did as a mom, because if I didn't care then I wouldn't have to do all the things I do and I could spend my time doing what *I* want instead of what is best for the other people in my home. If I didn't care, I could do a lot of other very interesting and entertaining things. But I do care, and so I keep going. I keep cooking and cleaning and kissing and teaching and reminding and pouring and correcting and loving and reading and encouraging and listening and baking and modeling. And I do a LOT of praying. Most of them go something like this, "Oh Lord, give me the love and grace to get through this moment, to remember that they are just kids, and to make them feel loved no matter what they have said or done and no matter what I now need to say or do."
So yes, I have hard days. But I DO love what I do. I love it because I know I am doing something so very important. Not only am I affecting the lives of my kids, but I am affecting the lives of every single person they come into contact with. That it not something to be taken lightly. And so I go on, very imperfectly, trying to be the best mother I can be (which often means admitting and apologizing to my kids for all the ways I fall short).
And maybe on one of the really hard days, I'll have to put more thought into this "kid's cage" idea. Katie sure seems to like it!
Janet, I love your blog. Thank you for inspiring me :)
I chose you for the Versatile Blogger Award: http://4get-regret.blogspot.com/2011/05/i-humbly-accept.html
God has definitely used you and this blog to touch lives and I'm so grateful. Have a lovely day!
Posted by: Ashley | May 20, 2011 at 11:33 PM
Take heart friend. Keep up the great work. God is your strength, one second, one minute, one day at a time. I will remind you that in a blink of an eye your house will be quiet (as i have 3 in college) and you will long for the noise and chaos, seriously. But then that is what grandkids are for right? Or neighbor kids or lonely church teenagers who need some attention. That fills my days currently and it is a joy too. But i also enjoy the weekends when my kids come home and are all here and all their friends and it is LOUD and full of laughter. You are doing a great work, the most rewarding ever!!!
Posted by: Rhadonda | May 23, 2011 at 10:06 PM