The Well Rounded Mama

It was for this...

This summer has been an amazing time. The time with the kids, with Jason, and with friends has been such a blessing. I am so thankful for the slower pace and time to just BE.

 

And yet, those things aren't even the tip of the goodness of this summer.  These past few months have been a filling of my soul so deep.  I can't even really explain it.  God has just reached down deep into my heart and has shown His love and faithfulness in an amazing way.  There have been questions in my soul that have lingered for years.  And He has chosen now to answer them.  There have been longings for as long as I can remember that have been so deep and yet had no words.  He has now put words to them and shown me a small glimpse of the path ahead.  There have been yearnings for things that I knew were good and yet God had continually been saying, "No" (or better, "not yet") to. But this summer He has said, "This is the time."

 

I am not trying to be secretive or elusive.  Some of it really can't be explained...things happening at such deep levels in my heart and soul.  But, I can say that the first tiny little seeds  of this new watered place in my heart are starting to shoot up, and I will be sharing about those soon.

 

I guess this is all just to say that God is good. I am not saying His gifts are good (though they are). Rather, HE is good.  His character, His wisdom, His faithfulness, His patience. Faith is being able to believe when all signs point otherwise.  I haven't always been able to believe in God's good character.  Since I was a teenager, I have been on a roller coaster ride of belief. Not belief in God, but belief in God's love for me. When signs point otherwise, I tend to believe them. However, since I was 19 I have chosen that no matter what life looked like on the outside, no matter how fierce the storms, I was going to hold on. Attempts  have been made to shake me loose from my grip on God. Satan, my own sin, life's natural ebbs and flows, and the critical judgements of others have all tried to pry my fingers from the faith I claimed. At times, they looked like they might succeed. 

And yet here I am at age 34, hearing in my heart and soul, "I allowed all of that for this." I am not sure what all of "this"  is, but the little pieces He has shown me make me smile from ear to ear and pray with as much fervency as I can muster, "God, don't you DARE walk away or I will drown."  Right where He wants me...trusting Him as I stand on the water knowing that there is no way I can do it on my own. My eyes are on Him and I will carefully begin to walk.

You can't walk on water until you let go of the shore.

I'm Still Here...

 

Just wanted to pop in and say that yes, I am still alive :)  The photos above are from our time at the hotsprings yesterday serve as proof!

My time alone last week was amazing and productive and confirming in a lot of ways.  It was such an amazing blessing and I am so thankful to have such an incredible husband.  Not many men would volunteer (seriously, I didn't ask him!) to take four kids to the beach by himself so that I could have some time alone to think, pray, write, and more. He's pretty amazing.  He even took pictures (as per my request!)

 

 
 

 

I'm almost ready to share a bit more about what God has been doing in my life.  We've got guests right now, but soon.  Very soon. 

 

Until then I am will be entertaining, cooking, reading (my own and to my little ones), dreaming, writing, praying, working, and doing lots of smiling.  God is so, so good.  I wish I could remember that ALL. THE. TIME. His character doesn't change...so when times are hard and confusing, we must remember that His larger plan is being worked out (Romans 8:28).

And just as an FYI and a PSA: Be careful what you pray for. You can never be sure what the answer will be!

My Family Left Me

It's true.  They've left.  And they will be gone for THREE (or maybe four) DAYS!

It's really quite unbelievable.  It has been two and a half years since I have been away from them this long and I have never been away from them for more than eight hours in my own home.

I have mixed feelings.  On the one hand, my heart is aching already (and they have only been gone for two hours!) I really don't know what I am going to do without their hugs and cuddles and kisses.  On the other hand, I have a lot of things to accomplish in the next few days and I am excited to see what happens with only one sweet baby and one toddler-like dog to care for.  And a hamster and some fish.

Me and my housemate...from yesterday

 

Originally, we were invited by some friends to go to Yogyakarta.  After learning that it would be a 10-12 hour car ride (the train was too expensive for all of to go), I was quick to say that I was not interested in going. Ten to twelve hours with five kids -- including an almost-four-month old -- just didn't seem fun to me, especially for just three or four days.  I could tell that Jason wanted to go so I told him to go and I would stay home with the kids. He said he would ask which kids wanted to go (thinking a few wouldn't due to how long of a car ride it was), but to our surprise, they all wanted to go.  Immediately my head started spinnning with the thoughts of what could be accomplished if I was at home for three days by myself (and the baby, dog, hamster, and fish!)

After thinking about it (and some prodding by me), Jason decided that maybe it was too long of a trip for the kids, especially without me and for just a few days.  He still wanted to take them somewhere, so he decided on Pangandaran, the beach we went to back in January.

So, they left this morning. And I am here with the baby, dog, hamster, and fish. And a list of things that I want to get done.  Things that I just can't do when I am needed by someone every 2.5 seconds.

You see, I have a fire burning inside of me.  There are some things that God has been doing in my heart and life for a while now...some have been years in the making and others are quite new.  I am not someone who regularly claims, "God has told me to do _______," but there are times, like now, that I can say with confidence that God has some big plans for me.  He has asked me to trust Him and although I am scared, I am doing my best to be obedient and faithful. I don't know what the outcome will be, but after a few Moses- and Jeremiah-like conversations with God, I am walking forward in trust.

It's going to be an interesting few days.

Mocha Cupcakes

I was craving sugar.  Actually, I think my family was craving sugar for me. You see, I have a serious addiction to sugar, and I feel guilty about it.  So once again, I tried to stop. Cold Turkey. And then I felt good about myself...for a day or two. After that, my body started revolting and I started turning into the mom I try very hard not to be. I got grouchy, short-tempered, and I lost some of the precious ground I have gained in my determination to speak kind and gentle words at all times.

And so yesterday, I gave in.  I'll take a sugar addiction over speaking unkindly to my husband or children.  It's not that I am giving up entirely. I think I need to wean myself off of sugar at a little slower pace or find some sort of balance in my sugar intake. Too bad I am the all-or-nothing type...I really need to work on that. In any case, in an effort to easy my body's discomfort of sugar withdrawal, I baked. I baked these.

Mocha cupcakes with Espresso Buttercream Frosting. Mmmm.

 

They were yummy.  They satisfied my craving. Nice mommy returned.

 

The cake was seriously the lightest and fluffiest cake I have tasted. It was so, so good. The only problem was that it was almost too light.  The weight of the frosting made it so when I ate it, the cake crumbled. Next time I will either refrigerate them before serving or use a lighter frosting (with a whipped cream base).  But still...they are were so good and perfect with some coffee.

 

I also made chocolate zucchini muffins, but those don't count because they are a vegetable. Right?

Alive and Well

We're moved, we're home from vacation, we're setting up the house and enjoying summer and family time.

I keep wanting to blog.  As in, REALLY wanting to. I have a lot of my mind and heart and a lot of things I feel that I should share. But I haven't really made sense of any of it, and if I am being honest, I am just having a hard time easing back into things.  God is doing big things and I am excited, but as in all of life, I am scared of the big stuff and it is easier to just claim "being too busy."  With five kids, a new house, nursing, homeschooling, and "life", that would be a great excuse.  But really, I am just scared. Not really sure why, but there it is.

 

So in any case, in order to ease myself back into blogging in the "one tiny toe at a time" method, how about a lazy meme I saw on another site.  Instructions are just to bold the ones I have done, and leave the others normal. So here it goes...

 

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (hello high school!)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29 Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41 Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45 Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60 Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64 Donated blood, platelets, or plasma (tried to, but my blood presssure is always too low)
65. Gone sky diving
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67 Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79 Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

____

So how about you?