The Well Rounded Mama

Sorry for the Silence!

I didn't mean to leave this little spot of mine neglected for so long! I've missed my happy little blog home and I really hope to keep posting here.  We've had so much going on that I have wanted to share.  But alas, I guess I have been too busy living life to blog about it!

A few of the happenings of the last few weeks, in no particular order:

1. We started school again.  We've doing school for almost three weeks now and I have to admit, I am LOVING it.  This is our third year of homeschooling but it is only now that I feel like we are in a groove and that I really know what works for us as a family and what doesn't.  I am so thrilled to be able to be with the kids and to take part in their learning.  Although we don't really "do" grades, age-wise our kids are now in 3rd, 2nd, Kindergarten, and preschool.  Phew! It's a lot or organizing and coordinating on my part, but we are loving it. You can read a little more about our homeschooling HERE.

This was my favorite first day of school "back to school" photo!

 

2. Not only are we back to homeschool, the kids are back to "specials" at BAIS (the school where Jason teaches).  All of the kids go in for PE (they want to be with their dad!), Caleb and Alaina do art, and Alaina also does music.  It's a LOT of going back and forth to school for me (about 20 trips to school a week!),  but I love letting the kids get to do a few extra things and be with some of their friends.  And how cute is Katie? I have never seen a little girl so excited to go to PE class!

3.  We've had two fun hotel nights in the last few weeks.  One to our favorite place in Jakarta and a second fun hotel night at home!

4. I've been sharing my heart at my new site, Preparing the Soil. It has been a really growing experience for me.  I have never really shared this deeply about my thoughts on parenting.  My heart really aches for moms who are struggling and the kids that are hurting.  I hope and pray that in some small way I can make a difference in the lives of moms and kids.  A Mother's Love is a post that really wrote itself.  I was writing something else and it really felt like God just took over and started pressing keys.  It was NOT what I was intending to write that day. But all along I have said it was His site, not mine.

5. Although I don't get to do it as much as I would like, I am still scrapping when I get the chance and still selling my templates at Sweet Shoppe Designs.  I love the creative outlet and the income I get from this allows us to stay overseas in a job that pays, ahem, not much.

6. The kids are doing great! I am finding so much fulfillment and so much enjoyment in just being with them.  Just yesterday, I was doing the dishes and Katie asked me if she could help me.  I said yes and she sat on the counter and chatted my ear off.  At one point she asked, "Where does Jesus live"?  I was able to share with her that Jesus is with God in heaven but that Jesus also lives in the hearts of people.  We had a great conversation and she ended with a beautiful prayer that she did "me self" that I know just pleased the heart of God.  "Dear Jesus, please come live in my heart and help me obey. Help me to sleep when it is night-night and not talk. Thank you for my family and that you live inside of us."  There was more to it, and I know Jesus must have been beaming with as much pride as I was. How can the heart of a three year old NOT please Him?

And Caleb, bless his heart, said to me yesterday, "I never knew helping someone could be so much FUN!"  He is such an amazing kid.  I love seeing his personality (which is so much like mine) come out more and more each day.

Alaina has been such a joy to my heart this summer.  She is growing up and maturing and I am seeing some amazing things in her heart. Just a few weeks ago, when we were at the hotel in Jakarta, I saw an ad for a show I have heard a lot about (we don't have cable at home).  I said, "Oh, I've heard -- even from those I repect -- that that is a great show."  Alaina says to me, "Well, I saw it at someone's house and the older sister in the show was being mean to her brothers and so I decided not to watch it."   Widsom and discernment is hers, far above her years.

Levi is still our happy and goofy little boy. His biggest thing lately is to carry around frogs with him wherever he goes.

Bethany is doing great! She's five and half month old and just as sweet as she can be. If it is possible, she loves people even more than the other kids did at this age.  If there are people around, she is just as happy as she can be.  She loves to just sit and listen :)

7.  We're entering into a tough time of year.  We have some big decisions weighing upon us and although we aren't fearful and we have a lot of peace, we are desperately seeking God's wisdom and guidance in our lives.

8. Our good friends left in June and I am feeling the loss of their friendship in deep ways.  I am thankful, though, that God has assures us that we can trust Him and so I do...I trust that He will fill the void and that in my lonliness, He will be more than enough.

__

 

All in all, I am doing great.  God has brought some amazing things in my life over the last few months and regardless of what else is going on, I feel so incredibly fulfilled.  It feels amazing to really be able to say, "The joy of the Lord is my strength."

 

Hopefully I'll be back to more regular posting here. Until then...

I'm not sure what I am waiting for...

We've had a busy summer. A good summer, but a busy summer. In the past 8 weeks...

• we have moved houses
• we have gone to the beach for a week
• Bethany had her first swim
• we said goodbye to dear friends
• we stripped lots of wallpaper
• we had the whole house painted
• went to a 4th of July party (which was, other than us and one other family, void of Americans!)
• we have taken a few trips to the new Domino's in town (we're just a tad happy for good pizza in town!)
• we spent a few days getting new internet set up (which involved a lot of Jason and a friend climbing on our roof to pick up a signal they are beaming from the school!)
• we had lots of little people over to play
• we have hosted LOTS of people for dinners, play dates, ladies group, home church, and more
• made a huge chalkboard wall on our rooftop patio
• Jason took the kids to the beach for four days
• done other fun crafts like painting on rocks, canvas handprints, and more
• baked lots of yummy food including patriotic sugar cookies, Espresso Mocha cupcakes, Halfway to Heaven Peanut Butter cookies, homemade pretzels, our favorite cinnamon rolls, cinnamon roll cookies, and more
• took a short trip to Jakarta for medical stuff and to visit friends
• have had girls night and boys night (one involved pedicures, hair curling, and makeup.  The other involved fish, fire, and fireworks!)
• hosted our former helper from Malaysia, along with her two daughters
• visited a volcano and hot springs
• lost (and found!) our dog
• Katie had her first hair cut
• Bethany had her first foods (not a fan)
• We've researched, ordered, and received homeschooling stuff for the year
• had fun activities like a no-manners meal, a leftover cafe, and a family makeover night

 

...and more.

 

It's been great.  So full.  Full schedule, full hearts. And in the midst of all that, a few other big things have been going on. And finally, I am ready to share some of that.  I'm not really sure what I have been waiting for.  Just nervous I guess.  Second-guessing myself.  Lots of prayers of "Isn't there someone else, Lord?"  But the longer I wait, the harder it seems to get.  So here we go...

One of the big projects I have been working on is this: a new blog/site.   I am not sure I have ever been quite this nervous.  I'm scared, but it is time.  It is time to take this passion for parenting of mine and shape it into something that I hope and pray will benefit others.  So, you can take a peek at my new site: Preparing the Soil.  I will also be sharing on Facebook and Twitter.  

 

You can check out the site to find out a bit of what I have in mind (and heart).  Really, my heart just wants to help other parents in this crazy journey of raising children.  Just today, as I was talking with a new friend, I realized once again how passionate I am about this and how much I want to help mothers feel equipped and empowered to raise kids who know and love the Lord and are prepared to love and serve others. This isn't an easy task.  We all need all the help and encouragement we can get. So there you go.

And as for this space?  Hmmm.  Not sure yet.  I can't see myself closing it after "being" here for more than five years.  We'll see how things go. I'd actually like to do more posting here, but this thing called life keeps getting in the way.

It was for this...

This summer has been an amazing time. The time with the kids, with Jason, and with friends has been such a blessing. I am so thankful for the slower pace and time to just BE.

 

And yet, those things aren't even the tip of the goodness of this summer.  These past few months have been a filling of my soul so deep.  I can't even really explain it.  God has just reached down deep into my heart and has shown His love and faithfulness in an amazing way.  There have been questions in my soul that have lingered for years.  And He has chosen now to answer them.  There have been longings for as long as I can remember that have been so deep and yet had no words.  He has now put words to them and shown me a small glimpse of the path ahead.  There have been yearnings for things that I knew were good and yet God had continually been saying, "No" (or better, "not yet") to. But this summer He has said, "This is the time."

 

I am not trying to be secretive or elusive.  Some of it really can't be explained...things happening at such deep levels in my heart and soul.  But, I can say that the first tiny little seeds  of this new watered place in my heart are starting to shoot up, and I will be sharing about those soon.

 

I guess this is all just to say that God is good. I am not saying His gifts are good (though they are). Rather, HE is good.  His character, His wisdom, His faithfulness, His patience. Faith is being able to believe when all signs point otherwise.  I haven't always been able to believe in God's good character.  Since I was a teenager, I have been on a roller coaster ride of belief. Not belief in God, but belief in God's love for me. When signs point otherwise, I tend to believe them. However, since I was 19 I have chosen that no matter what life looked like on the outside, no matter how fierce the storms, I was going to hold on. Attempts  have been made to shake me loose from my grip on God. Satan, my own sin, life's natural ebbs and flows, and the critical judgements of others have all tried to pry my fingers from the faith I claimed. At times, they looked like they might succeed. 

And yet here I am at age 34, hearing in my heart and soul, "I allowed all of that for this." I am not sure what all of "this"  is, but the little pieces He has shown me make me smile from ear to ear and pray with as much fervency as I can muster, "God, don't you DARE walk away or I will drown."  Right where He wants me...trusting Him as I stand on the water knowing that there is no way I can do it on my own. My eyes are on Him and I will carefully begin to walk.

You can't walk on water until you let go of the shore.

I'm Still Here...

 

Just wanted to pop in and say that yes, I am still alive :)  The photos above are from our time at the hotsprings yesterday serve as proof!

My time alone last week was amazing and productive and confirming in a lot of ways.  It was such an amazing blessing and I am so thankful to have such an incredible husband.  Not many men would volunteer (seriously, I didn't ask him!) to take four kids to the beach by himself so that I could have some time alone to think, pray, write, and more. He's pretty amazing.  He even took pictures (as per my request!)

 

 
 

 

I'm almost ready to share a bit more about what God has been doing in my life.  We've got guests right now, but soon.  Very soon. 

 

Until then I am will be entertaining, cooking, reading (my own and to my little ones), dreaming, writing, praying, working, and doing lots of smiling.  God is so, so good.  I wish I could remember that ALL. THE. TIME. His character doesn't change...so when times are hard and confusing, we must remember that His larger plan is being worked out (Romans 8:28).

And just as an FYI and a PSA: Be careful what you pray for. You can never be sure what the answer will be!

My Family Left Me

It's true.  They've left.  And they will be gone for THREE (or maybe four) DAYS!

It's really quite unbelievable.  It has been two and a half years since I have been away from them this long and I have never been away from them for more than eight hours in my own home.

I have mixed feelings.  On the one hand, my heart is aching already (and they have only been gone for two hours!) I really don't know what I am going to do without their hugs and cuddles and kisses.  On the other hand, I have a lot of things to accomplish in the next few days and I am excited to see what happens with only one sweet baby and one toddler-like dog to care for.  And a hamster and some fish.

Me and my housemate...from yesterday

 

Originally, we were invited by some friends to go to Yogyakarta.  After learning that it would be a 10-12 hour car ride (the train was too expensive for all of to go), I was quick to say that I was not interested in going. Ten to twelve hours with five kids -- including an almost-four-month old -- just didn't seem fun to me, especially for just three or four days.  I could tell that Jason wanted to go so I told him to go and I would stay home with the kids. He said he would ask which kids wanted to go (thinking a few wouldn't due to how long of a car ride it was), but to our surprise, they all wanted to go.  Immediately my head started spinnning with the thoughts of what could be accomplished if I was at home for three days by myself (and the baby, dog, hamster, and fish!)

After thinking about it (and some prodding by me), Jason decided that maybe it was too long of a trip for the kids, especially without me and for just a few days.  He still wanted to take them somewhere, so he decided on Pangandaran, the beach we went to back in January.

So, they left this morning. And I am here with the baby, dog, hamster, and fish. And a list of things that I want to get done.  Things that I just can't do when I am needed by someone every 2.5 seconds.

You see, I have a fire burning inside of me.  There are some things that God has been doing in my heart and life for a while now...some have been years in the making and others are quite new.  I am not someone who regularly claims, "God has told me to do _______," but there are times, like now, that I can say with confidence that God has some big plans for me.  He has asked me to trust Him and although I am scared, I am doing my best to be obedient and faithful. I don't know what the outcome will be, but after a few Moses- and Jeremiah-like conversations with God, I am walking forward in trust.

It's going to be an interesting few days.

Alive and Well

We're moved, we're home from vacation, we're setting up the house and enjoying summer and family time.

I keep wanting to blog.  As in, REALLY wanting to. I have a lot of my mind and heart and a lot of things I feel that I should share. But I haven't really made sense of any of it, and if I am being honest, I am just having a hard time easing back into things.  God is doing big things and I am excited, but as in all of life, I am scared of the big stuff and it is easier to just claim "being too busy."  With five kids, a new house, nursing, homeschooling, and "life", that would be a great excuse.  But really, I am just scared. Not really sure why, but there it is.

 

So in any case, in order to ease myself back into blogging in the "one tiny toe at a time" method, how about a lazy meme I saw on another site.  Instructions are just to bold the ones I have done, and leave the others normal. So here it goes...

 

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (hello high school!)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29 Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41 Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45 Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60 Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64 Donated blood, platelets, or plasma (tried to, but my blood presssure is always too low)
65. Gone sky diving
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67 Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79 Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

____

So how about you?

This and That

I know I have been absent from this little space of mine. And unfortunately, it will probably continue like that for a bit longer.  It's the end of the school year and this time of year just keeps us busy. Today is Jason's last day of work (until August!) and between now and Monday when we are supposed to leave on vacation, there is a LOT to do.

It's a long story, but we are moving (again!) We hadn't planned to but we found a house in another neighborhood that is much bigger, much more suited for entertaining, and quite a bit cheaper than our current home.  And since we rent, it isn't that big of a deal to switch houses. I am really going to miss our house now (it just really pleases me aesthetically), but I know the new place will be able to bless more people.  I also know it is better for the kids -- quiet street, a playground they can walk to on their own, lots of friends in the neighborhood, Alaina can have her own room, more bathrooms, lots of outdoor areas around the house to play in...the list goes on.  And there are some perks for me, too. A bigger kitchen (which helps so much when you have lots of little people who want to help cook!), places to entertain, a big school room, and more. And the two story windows don't hurt either ;)

And no, that table doesn't belong there! It is now in its rightful place on the back patio!

 

So for the next few days, it is moving time. And then hopefully, if all goes according to plan, by Monday afternoon I will be sitting with a book in my hand looking at this...

and I am sure there will be a lot of this...

 

So, it may get a little dusty on this blog for the next few weeks.  But then I will be back. I promise.

 

 

Just Because I Love It...

 

Just because I love being a mom...and I love being a mom to many...doesn't mean that I don't have hard days.  It doesn't mean that I magically got lucky and got perfect kids.  It doesn't mean that my kids immediately obey everything I say or that I never have to play referee.  It doesn't mean that every day is just smiles and sparkles and it doesn't mean that there aren't times that I secretly wish all of my kids could be caged as happily as Katie cages herself (in Lucy's cage!)

It's true, I love what I do and I wouldn't change it for anything. But I do have hard days.  An introverted mama like me desperately needs alone time and time for quiet -- two things not readily available in a homeschooling house with lots of little people running around. I have days where I literally have to stop, close my eyes, and breathe deeply a few times an hour just to get through the moments without raising my voice. And I don't always succeed. 

There are days when I really wish I didn't care so much how I did as a mom, because if I didn't care then I wouldn't have to do all the things I do and I could spend my time doing what *I* want instead of what is best for the other people in my home.  If I didn't care, I could do a lot of other very interesting and entertaining things. But I do care, and so I keep going.  I keep cooking and cleaning and kissing and teaching and reminding and pouring and correcting and loving and reading and encouraging and listening and baking and modeling.  And I do a LOT of praying.  Most of them go something like this, "Oh Lord, give me the love and grace to get through this moment, to remember that they are just kids, and to make them feel loved no matter what they have said or done and no matter what I now need to say or do."

 

So yes, I have hard days.  But I DO love what I do.  I love it because I know I am doing something so very important.  Not only am I affecting the lives of my kids, but I am affecting the lives of every single person they come into contact with.  That it not something to be taken lightly.  And so I go on, very imperfectly, trying to be the best mother I can be (which often means admitting and apologizing to my kids for all the ways I fall short).

And maybe on one of the really hard days, I'll have to put more thought into this "kid's cage" idea.  Katie sure seems to like it!

 

I Really Want to Blog...

 

I really want to blog.  I really do.  Writing (and talking) are a way for me to process.  I make sense of the things in my mind when I have to put them into words. Most of my "light bulb" moments come from times of writing or speaking.  I say or write something and then...."aha!"

 

But lately, I have just been alone with my thoughts.  There is SO MUCH going on in our hearts and minds...so many amazing, big, challenging, scary, exciting, and wonderful things.  And I don't even really know where or how to start talking about them, so I just don't.  Instead, I have spent more time just being with my family, more time reading some amazing books, more time praying and seeking, more time learning what God really wants from me. And I have to admit, it feels good. I have taken more time to soak up the blessings in my life and dream about ways to pour those onto others.  More time living life and less time taking pictures of it. More listening to God and less talking to others.

That said, I feel the words building.  I feel that things that are stirring won't stay contained for long.  I need an outlet. I need to write.  I need to express what's on my heart.  I don't know exactly what form that will take, but soon I think a lot of what God has been showing me will find a way to express itself. Maybe that will be here. 

 

In the meantime, just know that I am living and enjoying life.  The end of the school year is just a few weeks away and I look forward to a slower pace and more concentrated time as a family.  We won't be travelling home to the States this summer, but we are okay with that.  While we would love to see extended family, we know that we are blessed with our nuclear family right here and we will take the extra time of summer to solidify those bonds.  And Lord willing, next summer will mean playing with cousins and cuddling with grandparents.  Thank you to those who generously gave to us.  The money will be set aside for next year. We are humbled and grateful for those who bless us in this way.

 

I'll be back in the next few days, hopefully.  The words won't stay contained forever.

 

And the photo? From a hike this past weekend we did to "one tree hill" with friends.  Good times. Beautiful scenery.  Awesome God.

A Very Happy Mother's Day

How can Mother's Day NOT be wonderful with 10 cute little feet like these?

 

I am so thankful to be a mom.  It is the only thing I wanted growing up and it is the only thing that kept me alive during my darkest days.  It was a desire deep and strong and for the years that I thought it might not be a possibility, it was even deeper. I've known what it is to long for children.  I've known what it is to think maybe it just isn't going to happen.  I've known what it is to hope and pray and wait, only to start over again. I've known.

 

And I've also known the joy that comes with two pink little lines.  I've known the joy of watching my body grow with new life.  I've known the giddy expectations and dreams that play out during pregnancy. I've known the utter joy of holding a child for the first time. 

 

Being a mom is my greatest accomplishment. But it is far from over. I've brought children into this world but I have yet to complete my task -- to raise them up to be responsible adults ready to love and serve others with every gift that God has given them.  I've a long way to go, but I am feeling the joy along the way.

This year for Mother's Day, I didn't want much.  I have everything I need and so much of what I want. So instead of gifts, I asked the family for two things:

 

1. Let's give gifts to those who need it far more than I.

2. Let me try to take some family pictures

 

___

 

Rather than buy me gifts that I didn't need, I asked the children to select gifts for the kids in the care of Embracing Hope (Ethiopia). The toys will go to the new daycare that is run so that the mothers (who are trying to support their children on less than $1 a day) can go to work. Matchbox cars, a wooden tea set, an animal puzzle, and books. Can you guess who picked out what?

___

My family put up with my trying to capture on (digital) film what I feel in my heart.  I can never do it, but these will have to do for now...

 

My five little loves...

 

So blessed to be their mama...

 

And I am so thankful for my partner, best friend, and love...

 

Me and my newest little blessing...

 

The precious girl who first made me a mama...

 

My amazing little ladies...so many dreams!

 

And my handsome young men...

 

My little guy who makes me laugh every day...

 

And yet with all his silliness, he has a tender heart... (and his littlest sister has the cutest faces!)

 

And speaking of funny faces, what do you see?

Look closer...

 

Even with all their funny faces, my heart swells with thoughts of what I have been given...

 

And I am happy that we love deeply and laugh freely...

 

A very happy Mother's Day indeed.